Personal Development Archive

Organize Your Life Around Your Family, Your Career and Your Personal Goals
You need to stand back on a regular basis and analyze yourself, your life and your time usage. You need to become a master of your time rather than a slave to continuing time pressures.

Your Most Precious Resource
Time is your most precious resource. It is the most valuable thing you have. It is perishable, it is irreplaceable, and it cannot be saved. It can only be reallocated from activities of lower value to activities of higher value. All work requires time. And time is absolutely essential for the important relationships in your life. The very act of taking a moment to think about your time before you spend it will begin to improve your personal time management immediately.

The Starting Point
Personal time management begins with you. It begins with your thinking through what is really important to you in life. And it only makes sense if you organize it around specific things that you want to accomplish. You need to set goals in three major areas of your life. First, you need family and personal goals. These are the real reasons why you get up in the morning, why you work hard and upgrade your skills, why you worry about money and sometimes feel frustrated by the demands on your time.

Decide Upon Your Goals
What are your personal and family goals, both tangible and intangible? A tangible family goal could be a bigger house, a better car, a larger television set, a vacation, or anything else that costs money. An intangible goal would be to build a higher quality relationship with your spouse and children, to spend more time with your family going for walks or reading books. Achieving these family and personal goals are the real essence of time management, and its major purpose.

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The secret life is the key to a quality life and that in turn is the key to a quality culture, products, and services. Once in New York City, I attended the Broadway play, The Secret Garden. The play was particularly poignant for me that evening because my mother had just died.

The Tony Award winning musical is the story of a young girl whose mother and father die of cholera in India as the play begins. She is sent to live with her uncle in a large British manor. The old house is filled with romantic spirits. As the restless girl explores the grounds of the estate, she discovers the entrance to the magical secret garden, a place where anything is possible.

When she first enters the garden, she finds that it appears to be dead, much like her cousin, a bedridden boy, and her uncle, still haunted by memories of his lovely wife who died giving birth to the boy. In harmony with natural laws and principles, the girl faithfully plants seeds and brings new life to the garden. As the roots are warmed and the garden cultivated, she brings about a dramatic transformation of her entire culture within one season.

In my many years of teaching and training, I have seen several such transformations brought about by proactive people who exercise principle-centered leadership and the Seven Habits in their secret, private, and public lives.

When I returned home to Salt Lake City the next day to speak at my mother’s funeral, I referred to the Secret Garden, because for me and many others, my mother’s home was a secret garden where we could escape and be nurtured by positive affirmation. In her eyes, all about us was good, and all that was good was possible.

Our Three Lives
We all live three lives: public, private, and secret. In our public lives, we are seen and heard by colleagues, associates, and others within our circle of influence. In our private lives, we interact more intimately with spouses, family members, and close friends. The secret life is where your heart is, where your real motives are the ultimate desires of your life.

Many executives never visit the secret life. Their public and private lives are essentially scripted by who and what precedes and surrounds them or by the pressures of the environment. And so they never exercise that unique endowment of self-awareness the key to the secret life where you can stand apart from yourself and observe your own involvement.

Courage is required to explore our secret life because we must first withdraw from the social mirror, where we are fed positive and negative feedback continuously. As we get used to this social feedback, it becomes a comfort zone. And we may opt to avoid self-examination and idle away our time in a vacuum of reverie and rationalization. In that frame of mind, we have little sense of identity, safety, or security.

Examine Your Motives
The most critical junctures in my life take place when I visit my secret life and ask, “What do I think? What do I believe is right? What should my motives be?” These are times when I choose my motives. One such time occurred when I first heard Dag Hammarskjold say, “It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual, than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses.” That statement had such a profound effect on me that I started to say to myself in regard to my relationships with other people, “Wait a minute it’s my life. I can choose whether I want to make reconciliation with this person or not. I can choose my own motives.”

One of the exciting fruits of the “secret garden” is an ability to consciously choose your own motives. Until you choose your own motives, you really can’t choose to live your own life. Everything flows out of motive and motivation that is the root of our deepest desires.

Now, when I get into a frustrating or perplexing situation, I enter into my secret life. That’s where I find not only motives but also correct principles; that’s where the inner wisdom is. As I learn to be proactive in exploring the secret life, I tap into self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and into the exercise of free will to choose another motive.

People who regularly explore their secret life and examine their motives are better able to see into the hearts of others, practice real empathy, bestow real empowerment and affirm worth and identity.

A healthy secret life will benefit your private and public lives in many ways. For example, when I’m preparing to give a speech, I read aloud a favorite discourse on faith, hope, and charity because it helps me to purify my motive. I lose all desire to impress. My only desire is to bless. And when I go to a public setting with that motive, I have great confidence and inner peace. I feel more love for the people and feel much more authentic myself.

Executives who attend our leadership training in the mountain setting of Sundance often tell me, “This is the first time in many years that I’ve done any soul searching. I’ve seen myself as if for the first time, and I’ve resolved that my life is going to be different. I’m going to be true to what I really believe.” Recently, many people have written me to say, “Your habits and principles have made the difference. I’d never really thought about some of them before, but I resonate with them.”
That’s because these principles are found in people’s secret life.

And yet most of us spend our busy days privately doing our thing, never pausing long enough to enter the secret life, the secret garden, where we can create masterpieces, discover great truths and enhance very aspect of our public and private lives.

Having a healthy secret life is the key to having a quality private and public life, as well as a quality culture, product or service.

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I will not complain, that is the most profound sentence I have heard on the first day of my new job in Singapore.

I will not complain.

The thing is, how many of us can really not complain? For sure, there are things to complain everyday. For sure, there are things that did not go well. For sure, someone will annoy you. For sure, sometimes you’ll find yourself complaining about yourself!

The key is not what happens to us. It’s not about circumstances. What happens to us, happens to everyone. A bad day. Arguments with spouse. Bad service from restaurant. Car broke down. Flight delay. Death of loved one.

The key is our response to what happens to us. I always talk about gratefulness. To me, gratefulness is the best recipes to a happy and fulfilling life!

The most touching story of gratefulness that I had ever read, I will share it with you today, let us not complain about how imperfect we are, how imperfect other people are, or how imperfect our life is from today onwards.

From Mr. R.M. Good- Adapted from Dare to Fail by Billi Lim

Each man weighs his gifts from God on a different scale…

GOD HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME

For 25 years I saw him fight cancer of the face. First, just a small speck that began to grow larger, then, year after year, I watched him go to the hospital and had a bit more cut out each time. As the years went by, his face was hardly a face at all as more and more was cut away. But always when he returned, with what was left of his face, he tried to smile and never once uttered a complaint or seemed to be downhearted.

He was a skilled mechanic and finished carpenter, recognized as the best in all the surroundings Ozark hills.

When he did a job he seemed to stand back and survey it to see whether there was anything left out that could be added to make it as nearly perfect as possible. Then he would see some little place that the average person would pass up and he would be busy  touching up this and that. Then, when he had done his best again, he would look it over and a smile of contentment would come over his face.

I suspect he often said to himself,” My work will be my face and my life.” I doubt if he often looked at the mirror and noticed that damaged face where each day the cancer bit a mite deeper.

No matter how humble the place he worked in, or how small the job, or how crude the others worked around and about, it never seemed to bother him at all. This was his work, and it had to be done right. He appeared never to give a glance at the work of others; a shoddy job done by someone else was not his concern. His own work seemed to be all that mattered. Nevertheless, I suspect when the job was done he had an inner sense of pride and joy when he saw how outstanding it was but never once I heard him boast about it.

As the years went by, he became weaker and weaker, his step was less sure, and his hands did not move with the confidence and speed that had so characterized him. He was unable to do many things he had done before. However, no matter what the work or pay, he always had an insatiable desire to do a good job.

The help he was able to get was not able to catch his vision; they thought he was cranky to try so hard to complete each and every detail. So more and more he worked alone. He did not complain or bitterly rail at the inefficiency of the other fellow. He would just appear next morning by himself with no explanation on the absence of his helper.

During the latter days when he had only the shambles of a face, he would wrap it up in a red bandana handkerchief, leaving only his eyes showing.

When you met him on the street, there was  always a cheery greeting. As time went on and he found it more and more difficult to say the words, often his greeting would be given with a move of his walking stick. This stick too, was a thing of beauty, carved out by his skillful hands.

His life seemed to be full with contentment and peace. I am sure many times he thanked God for those hands and for the fact that they were marred in no way.

He often would be missed about his usual haunts for weeks, or perhaps months, as he would make his journey to the hospital for the surgeon to cut away a little more. Then, you would see him again- a bit more gruesome. There would be no complaint, no telling of his operation and the pain. He would just quietly go about the work that was always awaiting his return.

In all of this quarter of century, I never knew him to come back with any complaints or mention in any way about the pain. You would think there is nothing the matter if you did not see his face.

When his days of labour seemed to be coming to an end, his chief concern was that his tools might be in good hands. He sent for me one day and told me that he wished I would find for him some young man who would appreciate and properly use them.

When I took a young man to see him about the tools, there came over his face a look of contentment and satisfaction. His work was finished and he was ready to cash in.

A few days before he died I went to see him. He was walking in the yard. His face was nearly completely covered with bandages and only his eyes were uncovered. As he hobbled about the yard, he said to me,” I am going to keep young just as long as I can.”

The day he died I went to see him again. The odour in the room was so offensive you could hardly stay there. What was left of his face was a mass of scars and there was really no longer anything to cut away. You could tell he was in great pain and had many sleepless nights. But still there was no word of complaint.

I shall never forget his last words. Ever afterwards, they have made me ashamed whenever I’m inclined to complain. Still, day after day, they are vivid in my memory.

The words were;” God has been awfully good to me. I have never had any reason to complain.”

(from Mr. R.M. Good)- Dare to Fail by Billi Lim

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I am always invited by kind people to attend their church service, hoping that I will someday become a God’s child. Well, know I am. In fact, I believe I am his favourite.

I will have to admit that in the process of growing up, I have received a lot of love and support from all the nice, kind and helpful people. I was raised in a happy family.

My parents placed me in a Malay/English school (SRK) instead of Chinese School, (now I remember I made that decision myself after all J ). In my school, almost 95% are Malays and only 5% are non-Malays. In a class of 40, you can get about 2 Chinese students there, so you can picture the situation. The teachers are almost 98% Malays. Am I being discriminated? Well, I think I’m being favored rather than being discriminated! I can still remember all the sweet memories. My best friends at that time are Malays and Indians. We played all kinds of games, from playing with the stones, trees, shoes, you name it! My friends never failed to nominate and vote for me whenever we are selecting leaders in school society. I ended up becoming the President of Tunas Puteri (Brownies) and the President of Persatuan Alam dan Manusia (Life Sciences) society in primary school and the President of Girl Guides (Secondary School). It is my friends who supported me all the while in all the decisions I made for the society.

What about teachers? My teachers’ love and their faith in me remain as the backbone of my faith and courage. Perhaps because I’m the type of nice student, excels in studies and obedient, I am always my teachers’ favourites. My teachers vote for me so I can become the Deputy Head Prefect (primary school) and Head Prefect (secondary school). My Malay language teacher always give me the highest point for my essays even though I’m a Chinese. My teachers will always choose me to represent the school in whatever leadership camp or competitions.

Those are the kind of love I received from people who are not the same race with me. That’s the reason why I believe in racial unity. I do not believe in racial discrimination. My teachers and friends have shown me what is racial unity with their love and kindness. They have a chance to deny me, to discriminate me but they have chosen to show me that regardless of races, we can respect and love each other and have so much fun together!

I can still remember the sweet memories I have during the 3 years where we have Kongsi Raya. (Hari Raya + Chinese New Year). My friends, Malays, Chinese and Indians will have a whole day tour to visit our friend’s houses and we have so much fun! My friends even give me sari and baju kurung to wear! I mean, how fortunate can one be!

All the love and kindness I have received is the backbone of my life. I knew I cannot buy or repay it. Whenever I feel stressed, feel like a failure, as I reflect on all the love and kindness, I knew I can always find my path to success because nobody will be able to rob me from all the love and kindness I have received and will continue to receive. In order to receive more love and kindness, I have to give it away, pass it on and share it with others J I hope this story warms you up J Be kind, be loving J

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Most of us love to play the ‘what if’ game. What if I take the exam and failed? What if I my new job is worse than my present job? What if I asked her out and she rejects me?

The fact is the ‘what ifs’ that we played in our life is the major reason of procrastination. We delay decision making and ended up not making one. Countless of opportunities slipped away from our life because we play this game. We get too comfortable with the present and refuse to make decisions that will make way for changes. Sooner or later, we find ourselves stuck – not happy with our present yet don’t know how to move forward. Then only all the memories of missed opportunities came into our mind and we start to play the “what if’ game again. What if I took the job offer six months ago, will my life be better? What if I took the exam last month, will I be promoted instead of my colleague? It is pointless to cry over spilled milk – the missed opportunities.

The key is to take action, to make a decision. When opportunity knocks on your door, analyse it (but don’t over analysed) and make decision. If you decide to grab the opportunity, just do it, don’t wait. Opportunity don’t wait for anyone.

 If decide to pass the opportunity, stop thinking about it. Don’t start the what if game. Once you make a decision, stop thinking about it. If you decide to let go, then just let it go.

The next key after decision making, which I feel is as equally important as decision making is managing your decision. This is also a new concept to me that I have learnt from John Maxwell, the leadership guru. Too many times, we emphasized too much on decision making, engaged in overloaded thinking and stuck in the what if game. However, it is also important that you manage your decision. Making a good decision is a great headstart but if you do not manage your decision with the right actions and expectations, it might turn out to be a wrong decision after all! In other words, a seemingly good decision can turned out to be a bad decision and vice versa.

I would like to quote a statement to show the relevance of decision making and decision managing.I can remember the statement very well but I have forgotten the source ( If not mistaken is by Zig Ziglar). The brackets are added by me to show the importance of managing decision.

“If you have married the right person (good decision making) but you treat her wrongly (bad decision managing), you might ended up marrying the wrong person. If you have married the wrong person (bad decision managing) but you treat her right (good decision managing), you might ended up marrying the right person after all!”

My point is if you embrace the attitude of decision managing, the burden of making the right decision will be taken away from you, forever. Of course, you need some courage and faith. Courage that you will make the best of whatever experience that will come along the way from your decision. Faith that everything that happens will always be in favour of you. Good experience makes you happy. Bad experience teaches you a lesson. Be grateful anyway.

I guess that’s the only way we can kiss the what if game goodbye and start taking charge of our life. Let courage, not fear rules your life. Let faith, not doubts fills your life.

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